The mom likes to quilt sometimes. And she has a quilt store she LOVES to go to. And this quilt shop has a mermaid theme. And the quilt shop’s owners are awesome, and they love me. Yet they let this happen. 
It’s almost as bad as a halloween costume. And those are horrible. The girl loved it. Me, not so much.
Now if the mom would quilt me a dog bed, now that would be nice. Really nice.
Darwin the Diabetic Alert Dog 
Dude, you’re a MerStud!!! What could be better? Have you seen pictures of Neptune? He is a BAAAD Dude! He could use a studly guardian like you!
By the way, you are always welcome at the Mermaid! Even without the “Mom”. I know how cruel she can be sometimes.